Now you don’t

It’s just gone 8am and I’ve literally turned the whole house upside down looking for the only thing that can save me in the morning, and it’s not coffee.

We’ve only gone and lost the bloody iPad!! I broke out in a cold sweat when the small person laying next to me (cos he’d pissed his own bed) stated ‘it’s not on daddy’s side’!

I jump up like the bed is crawling with spiders and frantically start shouting ‘where is it then?’ He hears me mutter ‘bloody iPad’ and ‘Jesus Christ’ (well it is Sunday) and then there’s some ‘fuck sake’s’ until finally just ‘fuck this.’ This is all said stealth like as he’s in another room helping with the search.

I had to admit defeat for a while and it was time to get ‘up up’ and venture into the living room for some cbeebies torture. I’m resenting the iPad like a mofo at this point! I throw my little iPad lover some brioche and have a coffee all the while wondering if it’s at all possible that someone breached the security alarm last night and actually stole the iPad. It’s the only rational explanation I can come up with at this time in the morn.

I can stand it no more and it’s time to get out the big guns, I try to move the big bastarding bed since this is the last place I can confidently say I saw it. It’s there, laying like a beacon of hope underneath the heavy base and so I breathe, the first full breath since it was declared lost. I kindly now ask my wee friend to come and squeeze in behind the beast of a bed to pick it up.

He looks at me smiling and squeals “you’ve found the bloody iPad!’ There is much mutual relief and delight that we can lay side by side ignoring each other again for an hour or so.


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