Beside me

After a day unwell in the hoose this just about sums it up.

Beside me

If I lay here with my eyes closed maybe it’ll be later than I think it is.

Nah – is it fuck!

‘Let’s get up’ – I hear from the miniature person beside me. Sometimes I feel like he’s always beside me.

Feet touch the floor, another day has begun.

How long can we string this out? iPad, breakfast, tv, train tracks, snacks, colouring in, kinetic sand, lunch, books, jigsaws, snacks, a film, dinner, meltdown, bath, meltdown, bedtime snack, teeth, story, hugs.

I am done!

Am I fuck!

He’s beside me, asking philosophical questions, wanting to look out the window at ‘the world.’

Who am I to deny him?

Just a broken person on the sofa desperate for some time out to drink the wine, watch the drama, eat the snacks – ALONE!

Back to bed, it’s quiet. I dare to get the Sauvignon from the fridge and pour a glass, I even light a candle (the kind that makes real noise like a crackling open fire). I’m going all out!

I close my eyes and inhale deeply. I am me, I am unattached, I am at peace.

Who am I kidding?

I am ready for bed, I am ready to sleep knowing that in an hour or so that little miniature person will be beside me and that’s ok because life is always better when he’s beside me.

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